I’ve “learned a lot” – Hannah Tadros

IMG_9355There was a Sunday afternoon when I was a child that I sat my mother down and demanded to know about life and death, where babies come from, and where we go. When my mother had answered all my questions to my satisfaction, I announced, “I’ve learned a lot today,” and left the room confident in my grasp of existence.

To say I’ve “learned a lot” from the Brothers, from the other interns and residents, from the time spent here in prayer and silence, would be a simplification of the same sort. To give in to my tendency to itemize and label each “revelation” and new awareness seems to me to be my thirty-three-year-old version of that same seven-year-old confidence: an only slightly more grown up “I’ve got this.”

During the nine months in the Monastic Internship Program, I always found it difficult to answer the question most commonly posed by guests during Sunday talking meals: “Why are you doing this program?” I think one particularly taxing week I may have responded with, “I heard there was treasure buried under the Chapel.”

As an adult, I haven’t been blessed with the same gift of certainty I had as a child. I cannot claim many affirmative statements about God, myself, or the world. I entered the Monastery with a list of questions ranging from the subject of theodicy to the definition of love. I guess my response to the guests’ repeated question should have been that I came here wanting an index of answers, one monolithic truth about who and what God is, a tremendously long, Roman-numeraled outline entitled “How to Be a Human and Do This Whole ‘Life’ Thing.”

But better than a great big cosmic sense of “I’ve got this” was the invitation to get comfortable in uncertainty. And more relevant than a clearly delineated blueprint of reality were often the quiet truths couched in the negative. “Love is not coercive,” a Brother told us interns. “Force is not of God,” a hymn repeated. And finally, from a James Martin, SJ book we read as a group, words that now speak to me from three Post-It notes on my mirror, “You’re not God. This isn’t heaven. Don’t be a jackass.”

Besides my being sleepy, my most intense experience of my time at SSJE has been one of gratitude. In the understanding I had of faith for most of my life, calling me an unbeliever would be generous. (A generosity often extended to me by those blessed with religious certitude.) By their doing and not doing, by their words and silence, mostly by their astonishing expression of grace, the Brothers have helped heal and widen the damaged and limited awareness of God, self, and faith that I brought with me nine months ago.

                                                                                          – Hannah Tadros

 

Love Life: Vocation Compilation

Today’s offering is a compilation of the five Vocation videos. We hope this compilation will help you to catch up on any videos you might have missed, as well as providing an easy way to share the week’s videos in a group. Let us know how this week went for you!
Watch the Videos. Write your Answers. #LoveLife

Questions:

Vocation 1: How would you describe your vocation? (Today.)
Write your Answer – click here

Vocation 2: Who has shown you what it means to be a person of love?
Write your Answer – click here

Vocation 3: What obstacles are you working with?
Write your Answer – click here

Vocation 4: How is God’s love being perfected in you?
Write your Answer – click here

Vocation 5: How have you experienced God enticing you, drawing you, calling you?
Write your Answer – click here

Vocation 5: Home

Question:

How have you experienced God enticing you, drawing you, calling you?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

My own experience of vocation has been the extraordinary experience of God actually coming and looking for me and calling me. And one way in which I was particularly aware of this was during the years which I spent at the seminary. In our chapel we had a very beautiful icon of Christ holding the Book of Life. And on that Book of Life was inscribed just one text from scripture, and it was from the gospel of John. I remember it was Chapter 15, Verse 16. And the words were, “You did not choose me but I chose you.”

And those words I used to look at them every day at worship during all those years of training to be a priest. And those words have meant so much to me in the years following in my experience as a parish priest, particularly when things were difficult or when I was beginning to feel, “Oh, I wish I perhaps did a different job or not chosen this way of life.” I remembered those words, “But you did not choose me I chose you.” And I realize that all through my life God has been there calling me, enticing me, choosing me, drawing me to himself and it’s kind of an extraordinary and wonderful experience. And that is how I see vocation as God, the one who so loves me, that he longs to call me, ultimately to call me home.

– Br. Geoffrey Tristram

Vocation 4: Dignity

Question:

How is God’s love being perfected in you?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

I think it was Paul Tillich who said that God – who defined God as, “The object of our ultimate concern.” “The object of our ultimate concern is God,” that’s how he defined God. And I think we could turn that around the other way, too. I think we might say that the human being is the object of God’s ultimate concern. Saint Irenaeus, I think in the 2nd Century, said it very luminously. He said, “The glory of God is the human being fully alive.” And of course in the gospel of John we read that, “The word, who was God in the beginning, became human flesh.” Not some other kind of flesh but human flesh. And there’s a recognition there of the very high status of the human being in the whole scheme of things.

It invites us to certainly a deep regard and respect for our own being and then of course a deep respect and regard for every other human being that we meet and recognizing the capacity of each human being to incarnate the love, grace and truth of Christ. To be the means by which God’s love is made yet more perfect in the world.

– Br. Mark Brown

Vocation 3: Obstacles

Question:

What obstacles are you working with?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

Most people who are struggling to find their vocation very often aren’t really looking in the right place. Vocation comes from the root which means to call or to be called and a calling as in the gospel the example of Jesus calling the disciples, first of all John’s disciples, “Come and see,” and later the other disciples, “Come follow me.” So ask people who are looking for vocation what gives you the most satisfaction. What sort of – what calls to you to really feel that you are doing something worthwhile. Something that feeds you intellectually and emotionally. Maybe not all at the same time but both of those factors are usually there.

In truth, very often when a person is seeking their true vocation, they will find that it’s not always an easy road. Sometimes there are obstacles to be overcome. And in seeking one’s true vocation one needs to penetrate why it is that those obstacles are there. Is it something saying look someplace else or is it something saying you’ve got to work your way through this.

– Br. David Allen

Vocation 2: Offering

Question:

Who has shown you what it means to be a person of love?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

Some of the call in John’s gospel is for us to be people of love. We’re called to be part of a community of love. So all of us have been called to this. This is what Jesus is inviting us to, to be part of a community of love and to love one another and to love those in need. And so what would that look like for you.

Jesus says that he has come to lay down his life for his friends and then he invites us to do the same thing. He says, “I’m calling you also to lay down your life for others.” And I think we do this in a multitude of different ways and there’s all kinds of ways that we do this day by day by day. The people that we live with, the people we work with, the people that we associate with, we’re constantly called to offer ourselves to be channels of God’s love to others. And how that will look for any one of us, as some of us may have a particular role to fill or some particular vocation in terms of a career or a job in which we feel like that’s our primary way of living out this call, but all of us are called to be it.

So maybe you are called to be the one who cares about elderly people in your parish or the one who takes care to notice and remember the names of the children that live in your neighborhood. Or maybe you’re called to be the one who brings a small gift, maybe baked goods or a card or something to someone in the hospital. Or maybe you’re called to be one who listens deeply to others. There are so many ways that we can lay down our lives in love for one another. So all people share that calling. All of us have been called to that. And we will find in that loving service such a great and high calling and purpose in life, far beyond any other goal that the world can offer to us. This is where we will really find our joy and our satisfaction because we’ve been made for this.

– Br. David Vryhof

Vocation 1: Belonging

Question:

How would you describe your vocation? (Today.)
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

When I say vocation I’m not talking about a job. I’m talking about your identity. I’m talking about who you are as a child of God. What has made you up. How you have been equipped, sensitized, empowered. The kind of access you have to people, wherever and however. The question is how have I been uniquely formed to bear the beams of God’s love where I am. We all have vocations. Some of us have a portfolio. Some of us may have a calling card that actually in sync with our vocation. But vocation is a much deeper reality than our job. By virtue of our baptism, we have a vocation.

If you’re waiting on a job, waiting to find a job, waiting to get out of a job, waiting to get back into a job, you’re not on vocational hold. I think there’s a reason why today isn’t tomorrow. Don’t live your life leveraged into the future. The future which you hope will happen, maybe some days demand must happen, and in a certain shape and form. Don’t miss the moment. The invitation for living life is in the present moment where God is going to be most present to you and with you, within you and around you, is now. And if there is to be a tomorrow, you’re going to need today to prepare you for tomorrow. Don’t cut in line.

So in the meantime, claim your vocation that you’re a God bearer. You are teaming with God’s light and life and love. Don’t grasp it. Don’t squander it. Let it go. Let it go and let it flow.

– Br. Curtis Almquist

Love Life: Vocation Conversation

This week’s videos will take up the theme of Vocation. As you get ready for the week, we invite you to listen in on a conversation about Vocation between the Novice Guardian, Br. David Vryhof, and Brs. Luke Ditewig and John Braught. We hope their questions will start your thinking about your own, and give you a glimpse into the Brothers’ daily life as monks who look to the Gospel of John to guide their own lives of love. We hope this coming week will help you to #LoveLife.

Question:

Can you grow into where your heart leads you?
Write your Answer – click here

Love Life: Collaboration Compilation

We are pleased to share in this Lenten journey with you. Today’s offering is a compilation of the five Collaboration videos. We hope this compilation will help you to catch up on any videos you might have missed, as well as providing an easy way to share the week’s videos in a group. Let us know how this week went for you!
Watch the Videos. Write your Answers. #LoveLife

Questions:

Collaboration 1: Can you love as a witness? Can you be a listener rather than a savior?
Write your Answer – click here

Collaboration 2: Can you be content with what you have to give?
Write your Answer – click here

Collaboration 3: Make a list of your sinful and graceful actions today. Which side is longer?
Write your Answer – click here

Collaboration 4: What breaks you out of your patterns of dislike?
Write your Answer – click here

Collaboration 5: When you feel lonely, how can you turn to God for help?
Write your Answer – click here

Collaboration 5: Loneliness

Question:

When you feel lonely, how can you turn to God for help?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

Any person that’s healthy emotionally and psychologically feels lonely from time to time and finds that loneliness painful. And I think that the thing that’s always the most important in prayer is to be honest with God and to ask for what we need. And so when I’m lonely, when I feel isolated, I say that to God in my prayer and identify it and I say, “I want to be relieved from this. This is painful. This is difficult for me.” And God always responds. Sometimes not necessarily alleviating the loneliness in the way that I want it to be alleviated. But God invites me into a kind of deeper intimacy with Him through Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. Or God – I guess a better way of putting it is God takes that loneliness and transforms it into a kind of contemplative sense and an intimacy with Christ that it doesn’t get rid of the loneliness but it makes sense of it I guess.

I think it – you know, I mean, I think it … I think when I was younger – and I don’t think I’m too unusual in this in my life – that when I was lonely I would try to fill that isolation and think that another person was going to take care of that. And the longer that I prayed and the longer that I’ve experienced God’s presence the more I caution myself about that. I say, “You know another person is not going to take care of the way you feel today. There’s a possibility that God can do this.”

– Br. Tom Shaw

Collaboration 4: Forgive

Question:

What breaks you out of your patterns of dislike?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

I have had to learn, and it has actually got – has become easier because I’ve had so many opportunities to practice it and maybe that’s part of the grace, I’ve had to learn to say I’m sorry. And I’ve had to learn to ask people for forgiveness. I can spend so much time in my head demonizing them, which of course is a justification to myself for why I can be nasty to them, or why I’m in conflict with them, or why they push my buttons. That’s my justification, this, “So, well, of course I feel this way about you because you’re like this, you’re like this, you’re like this.” So that is – that kind of thought pattern is something we have to reject. Something we have to catch ourselves in and that we have to stop. We cannot revel in that kind of thinking. So Augustine said, “Thinking can be sinful,” and that’s – I think that that’s what he was talking about much more than people have equated it with sexual desire, because that’s where we always seem to go. But I think that was actually what Augustine was talking about. Our ability to demonize, to mentally demonize others, to justify our own feelings about them. And how do we stop that, we stop that kind of thinking. We catch ourselves in that kind of thinking and we say, “No, I can’t go there. I can’t do that. I have to do something else,” whatever that might be. But I think that there’s a very sound spiritual practice for us.

– Br. Robert L’Esperance

Collaboration 3: Sin

Question:

Make a list of your sinful and graceful actions today. Which side is longer?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

I think one of the challenges that most people face, and I see this especially if someone comes for confession, people tend to be very pre-occupied with their failings, with their sins, mistakes and so forth, and not cognizant, not aware of how they actually do incarnate the love of God in their lives. And if they are aware of it, they take it completely for granted. “Well, of course, I’m supposed to do that.” Well, in a sense that’s right. But I think there’s – it’s helpful to have a deeper awareness, a firmer grasp on our capacity for love.

If we were going to be very practical and concrete about this, get out a piece of paper and a pen and start writing. Make two columns. Think through the day, the week, the month, whatever, and in one column make a list of your sins. And by sins, that doesn’t mean mistakes. That means things that you have done with some intention to break a relationship between you and God, between you and a human being. Not just accidentally stepping on someone’s toes, but intentionally stepping on somebody’s toes.

Make a list of what really is a sin in one column. Then make a list of all the things that you’ve done and said today that embody the love and grace and truth of Christ. The donations you made, the kind words you said to the checkout counter person, the help you gave to the older person next door, the guidance you gave to a child, the work that you did to support the family that you’re responsible for, all these things reflect the love of God and embody the love of God and they’re all very ordinary things. And that list is going to be much longer than the failings on the other side.

– Br. Mark Brown

Collaboration 2: Service

Question:

Can you be content with what you have to give?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

I honestly believe that we’re called to collaborate with God in forming the community. The one that is all of creation. But we do it in the ways that each of us has a spark, a desire for forming community. Look for opportunity for service of whatever kind. You know, it may not be saving the world or eliminating hunger single-handedly or poverty, but rather a particular need at a particular time.

There is the disciple who talks about a young man be availed, I think it’s Andrew speaks to Jesus, at the time when he’s in the wilderness with all these people and they’re not all Israelites. They’re just people who have come because they’ve heard of Jesus. And Jesus says, “You know, you give them something, you need to give them something to eat.” Rather than being flummoxed like some of the others, this Andrew said, “Well, there is somebody here with these five loaves and two fish.” Offering what we have without a kind of fear that it won’t be enough. It’s a giving of ourselves when the situation presents itself. You know, it’s not about some kind of you’re being asked a mystical trick question. But rather knowing what we have and being willing to hand it over. I think that’s a handing over of one’s life as well or even to perhaps to look foolish by the offer that we make.

– Br. Jonathan Maury

Collaboration 1: Listen

Question:

Can you love as a witness? Can you be a listener rather than a savior?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

In my experience, community is healing and loving by how people come alongside and witness my experience. Witness my wounds. Witness my grief. Witness me right where I am. Often Jesus has done something inside that is freeing and liberating and life-giving and I then want to share. And it’s the person who comes alongside and listens and acknowledges my pain, my hurt, all that I’m feeling, whatever I am able to share who collaborates with Jesus, who does further healing with Jesus, by witnessing my experience. Letting me be honest and open by another being a safe and trustworthy person.

I think one of the challenges for us is that we think that it has to be someone special. That they have to be in a particular role or have particular training to be able to love or collaborate in this way. But anyone can listen. It is a skill. It can be worked at. This desire not to fix but to be with. To stand with another that they might withstand the world, withstand their experience. It’s choosing to be alongside maybe not saying a word but showing that you’re really there with them that enables another to heal. That gives loves to another. You can do it. Anyone can do it. All of us together listening, loving another, we bring healing to the world. We collaborate with Jesus who came in next to us. We are with Jesus in loving the world.

– Br. Luke Ditewig

Love Life: Collaboration Conversation

This week’s videos will take up the theme of Collaboration. As you get ready for the week, we invite you to listen in on a conversation about Collaboration between the Novice Guardian, Br. David Vryhof and Brs. Luke Ditewig and Jim Woodrum. We hope their questions will start your thinking about your own, and give you a glimpse into the Brothers’ daily life as monks who look to the Gospel of John to guide their own lives of love. We hope this coming week will help you to #LoveLife.

Question:

Are you being called to collaborate with others or with God to be more fully alive?
Write your Answer – click here

Love Life: Participation Compilation

We are pleased to share in this Lenten journey with you. Today’s offering is a compilation of the five Participation videos. We hope this compilation will help you to catch up on any videos you might have missed, as well as providing an easy way to share the week’s videos in a group. Let us know how this week went for you!
Watch the Videos. Write your Answers. #LoveLife

Questions:

Participation 1: List three attributes of God that matter most to you.
Write your Answer – click here

Participation 2: How can you uniquely reflect the love of God today?
Write your Answer – click here

Participation 3: What’s got you half-dead?
Write your Answer – click here

Participation 4: How is God inviting you to change?
Write your Answer – click here

Participation 5: Pray your name today. What do you hear?
Write your Answer – click here

 

Participation 5: Name

Question:

Pray your name today. What do you hear?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

The other passage that sends shivers up and down my spine is the encounter between Mary Magdalene and Jesus in the garden. And the reason why I love that passage is because she enters into this conversation with the gardener, you know, “If you have taken him away tell me where you’ve taken him and I’ll go and get him.” And she doesn’t recognize him in that initial conversation. And it’s not until he says her name, “Mary,” that she recognizes the risen Lord and she responds with, “Rabboni,” teacher.

And so sometimes in my prayer I simply allow myself to hear my name, you know, in my prayer have my name spoken and I can think of all the different people who have said my name. And sometimes my name is said crossly [laughing]. And you can tell when somebody is angry with you by the way they speak your name. But you can also tell when somebody loves you by the way they say your name. And so sometimes in my prayer, I simply allow myself to hear my name spoken and hear the love in that voice James, Jamie.

– Br. James Koester

Participation 4: Change

Question:

How is God inviting you to change?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

You know, all of us know that transformation, change, always has challenges and pain involved in it. And I can remember lots of times in my life when I’ve gotten to a place where I think, “Okay, I know we’re on a little plateau here, God, but I’m not really ready for any more challenges and I don’t really want much more pain in my life. I feel like I’ve done that.” And I think about God just kind of smiles and says, “We’re moving onto the next place. We’re going deeper and I’ll be there with my spirit to support you and help you but it’s just part of life.”

And I think the most wonderful thing about it is that I always know that it’s not the voice of God or the movement of God in my life if it’s something that feels too difficult and too isolating. That whenever God is offering me a challenge, I also have this great sense that well this might be difficult but the spirit will be there and the spirit will … well, the yolk will be easy and the burden will be light.

– Br. Tom Shaw

Participation 3: Life

Question:

What’s got you half-dead?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

One of those stories in John’s gospel which has always captivated me is the story of the raising of Lazarus. This extraordinary moment where Jesus walks up to the tomb and speaks those words, “Lazarus come out,” and Lazarus begins to move. There is a wonderful sculpture of the raising of Lazarus. I believe it’s in the Chapel of New College in Oxford by Jacob Epstein. What I love about it is that there is Lazarus coming out of the tomb but only half of him is coming out and the other half is still in the tomb and you get this sense that he’s not sure that he wants to come out because there’s something comfortable about the familiar even if you’re half dead. And I think that Jesus is calling us to new life and we have to say yes even though new life often can be rather fearful because it’s unknown. But I don’t believe that Jesus will ever leave us in a place where we are not fully alive. I think he’s constantly calling us everyday to become more alive because the more we become, the more I become the Jeffrey that God created me to be, the more I glorify God. And I would say the gospel of John another wonderful theme is the theme of glory that, “Where Jesus is there the glory of God shines forth and that we are meant to shine forth with that same glory as well by becoming fully alive in Christ.”

– Br. Geoffrey Tristram

Participation 2: Purpose

Question:

How can you uniquely reflect the love of God today?
Write your Answer – click here

Transcript of Video:

We’re talking about a dynamic which the prologue to John’s gospel kind of gets for us because, you know, son isn’t used right away it’s word. It’s this spoken word. It’s word is action. Word is love. God speaks creation into being. God breathes then, you know, there’s the spirit is how humankind and the whole creation are enlivened.

So it’s this kind of dynamic of a relationship that we’re speaking about that has chosen to take on the wholeness of humanity. Jesus has a soul. God has a soul. Jesus has a human heart. God has a heart. All of these things taken on are signifying truths about how we really reflect the image of God and not only what our origin is but also what our real destiny is, you know, that we’re actually being incorporated into this circle of love. What we call the incarnation is something that is taking place in all of us continuously in the whole human race. We’re being filled with the life of God each of us but always reflecting it in a way that only we can do.

– Br. Jonathan Maury